[Scene IV—A Street.]
Enter Wagner and Clown
Wagner
Sirrah, boy, come hither.
Clown
How, boy! Swowns,40 boy! I hope you have seen many boys with such pickadevaunts41 as I have. Boy, quotha!
Wagner
Tell me, sirrah, hast thou any comings in?
Clown
Ay, and goings out too. You may see else.
Wagner
Alas, poor slave! See how poverty jesteth in his nakedness! The villain is bare and out of service, and so hungry that I know he would give his soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though it were blood-raw.
Clown
How? My soul to the Devil for a shoulder of mutton, though ’twere blood-raw! Not so, good friend. By’r Lady, I had need have it well roasted and good sauce to it, if I pay so dear.
Wagner
Well, wilt thou serve me, and I’ll make thee go like Qui mihi discipulus?42
Clown
How, in verse?
Wagner
No, sirrah; in beaten silk and stavesacre.43
Clown
How, how, Knave’s acre!44 Ay, I thought that was all the land his father left him. Do you hear? I would be sorry to rob you of your living.
Wagner
Sirrah, I say in stavesacre.
Clown
Oho! Oho! Stavesacre! Why, then, belike if I were your man I should be full of vermin.
Wagner
So thou shalt, whether thou beest with me or no. But, sirrah, leave your jesting, and bind yourself presently unto me for seven years, or I’ll turn all the lice about thee into familiars, and they shall tear thee in pieces.
Clown
Do your hear, sir? You may save that labour; they are too familiar with me already. Swowns! they are as bold with my flesh as if they had paid for [their] meat and drink.
Wagner
Well, do you hear, sirrah? Hold, take these guilders.
[Gives money.]
Clown
Gridirons! what be they?
Wagner
Why, French crowns.
Clown
Mass, but for the name of French crowns, a man were as good have as many English counters. And what should I do with these?
Wagner
Why, now, sirrah, thou art at an hour’s warning, whensoever and wheresoever the Devil shall fetch thee.
Clown
No, no. Here, take your gridirons again.
Wagner
Truly I’ll none of them.
Clown
Truly but you shall.
Wagner
Bear witness I gave them him.
Clown
Bear witness I gave them you again.
Wagner
Well, I will cause two devils presently to fetch thee away—Baliol and Belcher.
Clown
Let your Baliol and your Belcher come here, and I’ll knock them, they were never so knock’d since they were devils. Say I should kill one of them, what would folks say? “Do you see yonder tall fellow in the round slop45—he has kill’d the devil.” So I should be called Kill-devil all the parish over.
Enter two Devils: the Clown runs up and down crying
Wagner
Baliol and Belcher! Spirits, away!
[Exeunt Devils.]
Clown
What, are they gone? A vengeance on them, they have vile long nails! There was a he-devil, and a she-devil! I’ll tell you how you shall know them: all he-devils has horns, and all she-devils has clifts and cloven feet.
Wagner
Well, sirrah, follow me.
Clown
But, do you hear—if I should serve you, would you teach me to raise up Banios and Belcheos?
Wagner
I will teach thee to turn thyself to anything; to a dog, or a cat, or a mouse, or a rat, or anything.
Clown
How! a Christian fellow to a dog or a cat, a mouse or a rat! No, no, sir. If you turn me into anything, let it be in the likeness of a little pretty frisky flea, that I may be here and there and everywhere. Oh, I’ll tickle the pretty wenches’ plackets; I’ll be amongst them, i’ faith.
Wagner
Well, sirrah, come.
Clown
But, do you hear, Wagner?
Wagner
How! Baliol and Belcher!
Clown
O Lord! I pray, sir, let Banio and Belcher go sleep.
Wagner
Villain—call me Master Wagner, and let thy left eye be diametarily46 fixed upon my right heel, with quasi vestigias nostras insistere.47
[Exit.]
Clown
God forgive me, he speaks Dutch fustian. Well, I’ll follow him, I’ll serve him, that’s flat.
[Exit.]